The below is a transcript from the In My Opinion with Starr Howard Podcast // #WordUpWednesday – Knocking Walls Down// Aired on September 13, 2017
In my days of solitude, I’ve realized that I have created a huge wall around , not simply my heart, but all of me! I created this wall and disguised it as boundaries. Trust me, boundaries are absolutely necessary, but they are there to protect your space and your peace. Boundaries are easier to move and adjust. This wall has not only kept people out, it has locked me in. This wall keeps me from feeling, connecting, loving, and even disliking. This wall has made me feel nothing. I at times, do not allow myself to feel; which was the driving factor behind the podcast episode “Mask Off”. A friend recently told me to simply let-it-go and let those emotions out and allow my hear to fell and love. Our heart does what it’s supposed to do, when we let it and not try to dictate and control it’s job duties. So, why do we build walls? For protection, right? I see it this way: a wall doesn’t just become a wall overnight, it takes time and effort. It develops over time. Each lie we’re told, we lay a brick. Each time someone breaks our heart, we lay a brick. Each betrayal, we lay a brick, until a wall is built. Exactly how that wall is built, piece by piece, is exactly how that wall comes down, piece by piece. Also it’s important to understand that we don’t start building these walls when we become adults, this wall can build and develop in childhood. When we see our fathers leave our mothers, we lay a brick. Every time our fathers don’t show up when they say they will, we lay a brick of distrust for men. When our mothers compete with us or tell us that we’re getting fat, our hair is hard to manage because it’s nappy, we lay a brick of disconnection to other women.
These walls we have up start very early and our built piece by piece. The only problem with that is, it can take YEARS for that wall to come down, causing you, me, us to miss out on blessings, opportunities, and people that were sent to better and increase us. Don’t get me wrong, we should definitely protect ourselves. Everyone is not deserving of your heart, soul, spirit, energy, or even your time, but we must use our spirit of discernment and vulnerability to determine who we should open up to. Sometimes we have to risk it all and take the plunge. We have to put ourselves out there and become available, but tread lightly. I can say that each time I’ve let my wall down (And there haven’t been many times), I never once regretted it. My regret comes when I try not to feel and miss out on the love. I can honestly say that it’s truly better to love than to not love at ll. So, how do we really know who we should let our wall down for? Truth be told, we don’t. We let them do the work. We definitely shouldn’t make it impossible, but we should make them work for us. We make them prove themselves to us. We judge each person individually by THEIR behavior and not by the last person’s actions. We have to make a decision as to whether or not we will allow someone else in. We have to decide to slowly pull the wall down. If the result is not exactly what we intended, we accept it and move on. We are resilient. We can get through heartbreak. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again. If you’ve loved once, you can love again.
I’ve made the mistake of letting that wall define me. It changed me. I’ve become cold, standoffish, and untrusting. I don’t like the person I’ve become. I don’t like that I don’t allow myself to feel. The very thing that I think I’m protecting, is the best thing about me. It’s what makes me, me. My heart, no matter how tender it is, my compassion, regardless of how limitless, and my ability to love and accept others, regardless of they have treated me (Proceeding with caution, of course), is what makes me the person I am. It is who God created me to be. We must stop going against God’s natural order and creation, and be who we were created to be, lovers! Love heals all. Don’t miss out on your blessing because of what someone else did and how someone else treated you. Remember that behavior had, and has, absolutely nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the other person and the agreements they have made with themselves. Don’t ever give anyone the power to change, control, and dictate who you are. You have that power! You own you, so go out there and own the world and LOVE!
Thank you and God Bless you all!
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. ~ Proverbs 4:23